So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
