My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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