I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
