yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
