probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
this will be a night to untag.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
