So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
