I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
