im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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