I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Too much gin, very little bucket
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
