problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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