we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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