Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
