Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
