i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
