C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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