so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
