I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We smell like vodka and hangover
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