that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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