I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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