Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
