Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
