I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
