Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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