Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
