you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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