I love black thongs
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
