Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I cut my penus on the lid.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
