Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
