she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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