I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
