im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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