Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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