All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Drunk is not a location!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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