You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
