and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize