tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
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Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
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2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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