hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
