Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
