She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
