somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
