You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
