I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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