he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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