I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.