U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just had sex bonerless
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."