I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...