In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?