There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
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I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
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So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.