If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
