threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
