4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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