just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
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I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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