Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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