You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
