WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You can't just leave with hair like that
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
