there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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