I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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