you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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