the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
