Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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