All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
