Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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