She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
