i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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