sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize