I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize