We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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