ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
