If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
