you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
