my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
