she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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