I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
