I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
