I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
