She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
