I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
