i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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