Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
