Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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